Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Today is my half birthday, yay!!! Oh wait, I'm half way to 27... never mind all that. Getting older kind of sucks doesn't it? After 21, there's nothing really fun to look forward to. You get to the point where you just kind of pass on the birthday. At one point in my life, I realized no one was going to plan me a surprise party like I always wanted, so I just planned out my birthdays on my own. One year, I made friends pose for my "bridesmaid project" and then treated them to a night at the JW Marriott in downtown GR. Although now, it's just like dinner with a few friends all together and that's it. Well, I guess it comes with age.
Another thing that comes with age is experience. And what comes with experience? Confidence. That's something I've always struggled with for myself. I was very insecure back in grade school, and my "freshman 15" and other such weigh gain in college didn't do me any favors. But it wasn't just my appearance, it was my ability to do things. In college, I was surrounded by these photographers with beautiful images and great creative ideas. All I was interested in doing was portraiture, but it was so discouraging do see what some people in my classes could do that I couldn't.
I started doing weddings back in 2006. For the first three years, I never had more than three weddings in a year, but in 2009, something exploded and I had twelve! But it was still kind of a stuggle for me as sometimes, even though I liked a lot of the images, I wasn't confident that I was good enough. Another blow came this year when I increased my prices... and booked a lot fewer weddings. Though it's totally understandable, but it still made me feel like I'm not good enough. I want to be Jen Kroll or Jasmine Star someday, but how in the world am I ever going to get to that point?
This weekend I had another wedding... finally! The first of my own since the beginning of June! I was uber excited, so I went into it thinking "This is going to be my BEST WEDDING EVER!" and you know what? I think maybe my wish came true. It didn't hurt that the couple was very interested in doing photos, and the groom was especially helpful with the groomsmen, but it just felt like a great success. I had a plan, I had my new lenses, I had my confidence, and I went for it. As I started editing these last few nights, I feel even better about the whole thing.
I'm sure it'll still be a struggle, but I've come a long way, and it's a process I think everyone has to (or should) go through. But I'm thinking this is a good sign. And for the first time, when asking myself if I would hire me for MY OWN wedding, I can honestly YES!
^Some of my favorite image... they all give me confidence!!! Clockwise from the top left: Shannon (Eastpointe, MI, October 2010), Nate & Katie (Mackinaw City, MI, August 2010), Jenna & Charles (Houghton Lake, MI, August 2011), Lance & Michelle (Grand Rapids, MI, August 2010), Monica (Gladwin, MI, May 2011)
